My Million Little Pieces

I had been heart broken in the past but this time I was not sure that I will be able to reassemble my million little pieces. I still do not believe as to what had happened. I am currently passing through the denial phase. The person responsible for my this miserable and agonizing state is none other than the one I loved the most, for whom I had left everything in the world, for whom I had sacrificed my whole life.

It all began in the summer of 69 when Bryan Adams was having the best days of his life and I was studying in best school of the city. One day when I was being driven back home that I saw you for the very first time. We had stopped at the red signal in Clifton where after few years Teen Talwar was constructed. I looked around and there you appeared just outside my rolled down window. Your face was pale, weak and dirty. Standing with your mother, you held her shirt with one hand and stretched the other towards me. When I looked at your muddy palm, which was not bigger than mine, I felt an ache in my heart. A tear appeared in my left eye and slid down the cheek. You saw it too. Then our eyes met. Your eyes were as clear as the clear blue sky but suddenly clouds emerged and started pouring down your eyes. I could not take it anymore. I looked in front, wiped my nose and shouted at the driver to move on.

I could not take you out of my mind despite my best efforts. There were no technical gadgets in those days to get distracted so I spent the whole evening just thinking about you. I could not do the homework. I skipped the dinner as well and went to bed early. There was no body at home to worry about me. In those days, I saw my busy dad only on Sundays and my mom was a social person too. She was running a charity for poor children and spent most of her time collecting donations and organizing various functions. I was left in the hands of servants. I had turned out to be a very sensitive child. I was only ten but had a fair understanding about the hard realities of life.

That night I was lying on my bed with a small light on. I was desperately trying to sleep. The images of your wet eyes however kept pondering my heart. I was too disturbed to go to sleep. After sometime, I heard my bedroom door open.  My mom had paid an unexpected visit to my room. I recognized her from her typical perfume, which had reached me before her. She came and sat down on my side of the bed where I was lying quietly faking to have gone to sleep. She combed my hair with her fingers and then bent down to kiss my forehead. I could not fake anymore and opened my eyes. I spread my arms and held her tight. She slid in bed with me and I put my head on her arm. She kissed on my head several times. I could not remain silent for long and said, 'can you do one thing for me, mom?'

She replied, 'anything my child, anything for you.'

I said, 'Mom, will you support one child for education?'

She asked, 'Yes, of course my dear but who is the child?'

Then I narrated her today's episode and that how I just cannot get her out of my mind. She hugged and kissed me again and said, 'that is my child, having pain in heart for poor and always trying to do something constructive.' Then I started feeling hungry. My mom baked me my favorite cake, which we ate with smiling faces and then she tucked me in the bed. I did not take long to sleep.

In the morning, when I was about to go to school, my mom came out and told the driver to get in touch with parents of the girl which I will tell him about and bring them to her office. I got very excited and looked at my mom with thankful eyes. She hugged me, kissed me and helped me sit in the car.

In next two weeks, I searched for you like a crazy person. My driver asked everyone around but did not get a clue about you. My mother started worrying too. I had stopped eating, studying or sleeping. She thought it to be a small phase, which will pass but it was getting worse. It was on next Sunday that she decided to go with me for your search. To our good luck, that day we found you in the parking area of a nearby railway station. My mother went out of the car, talked to your mother, gave her some money and address of the charity office. You kept standing at the place and did not move an inch. You looked at me staring from a nearby car but showed no sign of recognition. I got a little disappointed but I was happy that you will now be taken care of.

Next ten years passed in a jiffy. I was now studying in a medical college. You were there too. I had followed your progress throughout your education but never let you know about me. You were average in studies since you did not have a strong base rather you had no base at all. Still you managed to pass all the exams. You completed your higher secondary certification one year after me from my mother's charity institute and applied for a low grade medical college but you did not get on its merit list. You must have been surprised to receive an admission letter from the best medical college in the city where you had not even applied. All expense for your entire MBBS program was paid by my mother's charity that I had managed on my death threat.

We studied together for next four years, as I was one year senior to you and hence completed my MBBS one year before you. You knew me as son of the lady running the charity where you had studied and was supporting your expenses of the medical college. You respected me for that and always showed gratefulness whenever I interacted with you. I never let you know about my effort behind my mother's motivation to support your studies. My mother had even given a job to your mother and also gave you people a place to live, all on my insistence. I tried to be friend with you but you always kept a distance from me. You never opened up to me. I loved you even more for that.

After the medical college, I helped you anonymously get your job and even my mother's charity supported you in doing your specialization. We had kept in touch through out but only as acquaintances. Our relationship never exceeded beyond that. I was only waiting for you to settle down before I ask for your hand.

I refused numerous marriage proposals and begged my mother to go and ask for your hand. She did so only to find out that you were already engaged and will be married soon. This news fell on me like lightening but then we learnt that your fiancée has broken the engagement. You were heart broken. In the meantime, I had setup my own hospital and requested you to join me in running this hospital. The package was touching the sky so you gladly jumped in with me. Very soon, I made you my business partner and started giving you more than fifty percent of the profit. Then at a suitable time, I asked for your hand in marriage.

You seemed shocked. I remember you telling me that you never looked at me from this angle. You also said that if I want something in return for my mother's charity work then she can marry me. I was too embarrassed to tell you about my feelings since the first time I had seen you. I apologized to you for the proposal and requested you to forget about it. Next year, you married to a colleague of yours and spent a happily married life for five years until your husband divorced you and moved to US.

We were now both nearing our sixties. You were engaged once and married twice. All three men in your life abandoned you for the reasons still unknown to you. I had paid them well. I adored you and never allowed any women to enter in my life except for my mother. Last year, my mother also passed away leaving a big hole in my life which I tried to fill again by asking your hand for the third time. You were now owner of my hospital, which I had transferred in your name due to my deteriorating psychological state. My condition was getting worse after the death of my mother. My father had already shifted abroad and we were out of communication since long. I had loved you all my life and did what all I could do without asking for anything in return. I decided to ask for your hand one last time.

I invited you to my home at dinner last Saturday night. You looked ravishingly beautiful when you walked into my front door. After we had a lovely dinner, I asked you to marry me. This time you got annoyed and asked me to look at myself in the mirror. You said I was living a pathetic life and had nothing to give back to you. You also said that I am a spoiled and a crazy son of filthy rich parents and had always tried to ruin your life. You said you came here tonight only out of respect for my mother. You rose from the chair with disgust in your eyes and when your eyes met with mine, my heart got shattered into million little pieces.   

I had decided this time not to let you go. And, now I think I need to buy another freezer to store meat and veges.

Written By: Nadeem Alam, 

9 August 2018

Published in Weekly Mag - 1 Sep 2018

Other short stories by same author:

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Urdu Afsana - Intezar
Love Story 2018
Pay Back
Cinderella
Right Decision
The Missing Bride
Twins
The Devil
Lost Girl 
Shadow

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